Vol 5:
I found it!
Or should I say it found me?
This so-longed peace.
My eyes became waterfalls of affection as
my past became a mist.
I released my anger with opened fist.
For a mere moment I heard the applause
and cheer of people I could only hear.
But the door still remained…
around its borders, the darkness of the pain.
I shrink at the Rio Grande leading to restoration.
My feet were like cement, blocks my entrance.
My vision was stagnant, my stomach churned
like a ship’s furnace.
Ecstatic for my voyage is Titanic.
I panicked.
I stand at this door, my feet glued to the floor.
I’m just not sure…
I can’t talk right.
My walk isn’t precise.
Even though I walk in Nikes, I just can’t do it.
But, I’m the One comforting you.
What are you afraid of?
Some man or woman who’ll soon be dead?
Some poor wretch destined for dust?
No, not at all! I fear nothing.
But this call is not all comforting.
My mind spasms at the thought of what’s next
or better yet what’s left.
I still feel a weight, like an old piece still awake.
Three seconds left, and I cut the wrong wire.
Reneged with my heart on this spaded hand.
How can I move on if I’m just a jaded man?
Vol 4:
Why?
Because I have it all planned out.
Plans to take care of you, not to abandon you.
Plans to give you the future you hope for.
When you call on me, when you come and cry to me
I’ll listen.
When you come looking for me you’ll find me.
Yes, when you get serious about finding me
and want it more than anything else
I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed.
In what way, shape, or form could you voice me these things?
I’ve hurt and shamed and sworn
that I would never bring pain to those whom my love claims.
Instead I’ve bound them in chains.
Their cries of release brings no sense of relief.
I’m a thief yet you don’t want to imprison me.
From the top of Lauren’s Hill I hear a redemption song.
Oh voice, you are so convincingly strong
yet doubt clouds what I truly long.
The fact that I want to belong.
I want to forget my wrongs and know what path I’m on.
Yet I’m stuck in this Pantheon with so many figures to choose.
I need statutes, not lifeless statues
who look at me with such disgust.
Who only give me distrust on what is just.
Oh voice, how I wish you were a man with stronger hands than your words
to rip open a portal to happiness.
How I wish you were more than a whisper.
I’ve already told you I could see your teary eyes.
I could identify.
The name-calling, the meaningless beatings…
I’ve been there.
The welps and the bleeding.
The standing bare-naked in front of rare faces
of different colors and races.
I’ve tasted it…
that bittersweet symphony that kept you down, unable to move.
The weight of its groove.
I’ve been there just like you.
But unlike you I kept lips sealed to things I used to feel
to give it purpose and appeal.
This room has a lock like a scroll has a seal.
Open it through me and experience what is real.
In this place I make my stand.
Joy holds my hand.
She places herself behind me as the winds of change sway my decisions
in this emotional wave of uncertainty.
I’m scared as the wind suddenly halts
and again I’m reminded of my faults.
But your voice and joy doesn’t stall in encouraging me about this safe call.
Looking over this valley of emotional death
I see my wings of hope open to glide even though I have an extremely heavy breath.
And even though I’m so scared and stumped
I’ll taste air,
close my eyes,
and jump.
Words and music by Michael Regalado and William Hartz
When:
Friday, October 17, 10pm - Saturday, October 18, 7am
What is it?
Unlimited basketball, batting cages, soccer, football, and all kinds of other sports. Laser tag, arcade games, food, and fun.
How much:
$25.00
What else do I need to know?
We’re meeting at Elizabeth High School Dwyer House at 10pm on Friday, Oct 17, directly after The Bridge. We’ll be back around 7am on October 18.
Payments and permission slips are due at Sanctuary on October 12.
For more information, email us or call 908-289-6322×103.
Vol 3:
Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on stress?
Come to me.
Walk with me and work with me.
Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.
I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.
Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.
For a moment it didn’t matter how I was broken.
Flattered, I staggered my vision
towards the light with sounds of men, women, and children.
A soothing melody mellowed me
and overtook my tears.
It slowly brought visual dreams out of my ears.
I was able to see. To believe.
Suddenly it made perfect sense to me.
I had to go to the voice,
but a sudden black stride from inside whispered to remind,
told me to rewind and look what I’ve left behind.
I looked behind me, stood a woman with a belt.
My arms were numb and full of welps.
Another came with stealth,
hands on my pelvis.
Helpless. I need help!
Yet another came with southern game
lighting up a flame.
His shirt read shame.
Behind them all the hooded main remained.
Empty, I felt pleased.
The words spoken.
The door opened.
I felt good but frozen.
My mind flooded with questions:
Could the voice be trusted,
or is it another failed life lesson?
Can he bring the truth or more oppression?
Will I ever escape this room,
find another connection?
Can it bring me a father, love, or affection?
Is it after what I could offer,
or is he a deceiving impostor?
And if I was to give it a try…
why?
Vol 2:
From vibrations, the sounds became pictures
became people in here with me.
No skin motioned to really exists.
Every time I reached to touch, they vanished.
I managed my knees to an upright position
yet the man stood in front of the door.
My heart found a permanent residence in my vocal chords
to drown out my misery.
And it speaks to everyone my feelings.
This dark man x’s his arms and says,
“Blood of my blood, flesh of my flesh. I’m one with you
until the very death.”
A gloom of heavy smoke made the walls glow
to a brighter green than before.
The man sarcastically laughs in a carousel-like
movement as the room inhaled and exhaled.
A deep sense of irritation
brought forth an irrigation down on my face
to a rage never experienced.
A sudden dash, accompanied by a last attempt.
To live?
The doors, the voice, this room…
Is there life beyond these walls?
A hope encroached, approached and called.
Every breath taken was a sob.
A sense of being robbed.
Flashes of moments where this room I wasn’t in.
An emotion I couldn’t explain. I couldn’t begin.
My deepest fear became the face of my opponent.
Erroneous thoughts escaped when I saw his hands
identical to mine.
I dropped.
A force of light glittered and the being dissolved before my sight.
Vol 1:
This place where my life meets a common reality.
This deep hole where invisibility tells me to focus.
I chuckle in disbelief,
caressed by a sinister grief.
Since he spoke to me a dim light shines
and lets me see shadows of where hands have been.
But these secrets I’ve hidden Hyde who I’ve become.
Visions of tears, embodied fears, attack my vulnerability
as my strength is sapped.
This light brings to life my past to convict me.
Conviction exposes the monster entrapped.
But where I am, a past life is but a faint memory.
Searching in this room I could only hug my misfortune,
talk to my sorrow standing heavy and oppressive,
whispering me to a daze.
Wishing I could borrow or burrow for an escape,
to run like hell from this Pink Wall
without talk of tomorrow.
Discreetly and feebly my arteries dried.
My spirit became pale and determination died.
The push of my burden enough to enslave,
With extreme force I collapsed
expecting to meet a determined grave.
Once again I disengaged into the numbness of my guilt and rage.
And the wails echoed in my room.
Words and music by Michael Regalado and William Hartz
We’re putting together a 9-part poetic series to go along with the Life Hurts. God Heals. program. Journey with us as we explore just what pain and hurt does to your soul and the search for the one who can bring us peace in the chaos. Each part will be published to the blog after The Sanctuary. Keep an eye out for the video version to come soon after the series end.
Prologue:
I open my eyes to a familiar setting yet my steps I’m forgetting.
Aimlessly I can’t connect. I can’t sign in. I can’t Internet.
Doors surround me and proudly I choose the first one around me.
But a pull from my heart. The sound of a voice.
No! I’m hearing things. I’ve made my choice.
The movement in this room was deaf to light, oblivious to sound.
The walls were breathing and acid came from the ground. I ran back
to a closed door. I felt trapped.
This had to be a bad dream so I screamed!
My face to my knees rose my head to see if I was dead
but yet found my dread gone.
The posse of doors were back to their places.
Weakness took over me, the pressure came.
The longer I waited my skin’s texture changed.
Slowly I cradled over to this embracing sound. This energizing rhythm.
“I don’t have strength to move,” I hummed.
“For me,” he said, “you need none.”
We’re starting a new series in The Sanctuary this week called “Life Hurts. God Heals.”
LIfe isn’t always fair. You can’t always choose the story your are given to live. Sometimes those who are closest to you are the ones who cause you the most pain. Friends can abandon you. Parents can reject you. Situations can leave you broken and shattered, holding the pieces that once was your life. In short, life hurts.
Where can you go to find healing and wholeness for your life? Can the broken pieces even be put back together? And who can you go to when so many others have hurt you? Can God actually be trusted?
Journey with us as we search for healing from the pain that life has dealt each and every one of us. We’ll be meeting every Sunday at 3:30pm at the Liberty Center (1121 Elizabeth Ave, Elizabeth) to talk about it. And you can continue the conversation in one of our small groups that will meet throughout the week. We’ll post the dates, times, and locations for the small groups this weekend so you’ll know where to go.
